picking up and crawling back into your heart

Day 1: Tuesday, February 17th

The trip started off with a sleepless night. My flight was scheduled to leave out of Norfolk at 6am. Being the procrastinator that I am, I finished up some laundry around 3am, finished packing around 4am, then headed off to the airport. The flight out west was uneventful, and I got there on time and without incident.

I caught a cab to the girls' house shortly before noon. Brooke was at work and Suzanne was still in Michigan for a few more days. But their other roommate, Lori, was there to greet me and let me in. It didn't take long for me to find the couch and crash. I got a few good hours of nap time in before evening rolled around.

Brooke, Lori, and I went out to dinner and one of the first things I noticed was that the restaurant/bar didn't have Miller Lite (something I would get used to for the remainder of the trip). So I ordered up a PBR (something else I would get used to). Afterwards, we went back to the house, hung out for a bit, and went to sleep. I kept trying to tell myself that I wasn't tired, but I was out before I knew it.

Day 2: Wednesday, February 18th

I woke up at 5am. I got up and went to the bathroom, crawled back into bed, and tried to go back to sleep. But it was no use. I was wide awake. I laid there with my headphones on for a good two hours just looking at the ceiling. I finally got out of bed around 7am and headed downstairs. I laid on the couch watching tv for a while, dozing in and out. I could hear Brooke's alarm going off in the distance. After she left for work, I finally mustered up the energy to hop in the shower.

I decided to go for a walk. So I put my headphones on and made my way down the street. I came across a nice little park and it was definitely good weather for a stroll, but I was more in the mood for coffee. So I kept walking and found a quaint little coffee shop just another block away. I sat and read the newspaper for a while and after a couple cups and one huge cookie, I left and went back to the house.

In the afternoon, Lori and I headed downtown to check out Powell's Bookstore. I'd never heard of the place, but I quickly discovered its awesomeness. Covering an entire city block and four stories high, they had just about every book I could think to look for. They sell new and used, and will also buy your old books. I ended up getting three Irvine Welsh books for the price of one new one. Can't beat that. From there, we grabbed a late lunch and headed back across the river.

By now, it was evening and time to go drinking. We walked down the street to a place called O'Malleys. It was a typical dive bar, which I am totally a fan of---no crowds, no loud crappy music. Plus, they had free pool. After a few games and a pitcher of PBR, we split.

As we were walking, I was amazed at the number of dive bars on that street alone. I thought I was in heaven. We ended up at a place called Devil's Point, which isn't a dive bar so much as it is a strip club. I'll spare the details, but you can definitely call me a fan of that place. Brooke showed up later that night and I hitched a ride home with her. We got back to the house, hung out for a bit, and called it quits for the day.

Day 3: Thursday, February 19th

I was relieved to wake up and see that the sun was actually out. This meant that I slept through the night. I looked at the clock and it was 8:30am. I got up, took a shower, and decided to go for another walk. I headed back down to the coffee shop. From there, I took the long way back to the house and walked a little more. I spent the majority of the day lying on the couch, watching tv, and napping. It was nice.

When Brooke got home from work, the two of us went out to grab some dinner. We went to this mexican place and I can't really describe it other than it was bright. Gotta love mexican decor. Oh, and the food was excellent.

When we got back to the house, we ended up playing Wii bowling for hours. I've never tried a Wii before, but I was instantly hooked. I was doing pretty well for the most part, but after a gazillion games, I think I actually started to get physically tired. That's pathetic.

Suzanne was flying back from Michigan that night and I offered to go pick her up. So I hopped in her car and went to the airport around 11pm. The place was a madhouse, but I eventually found her and we made it back. We sat up for a while just shooting the shit and eventually called it a night around 2am.

Day 4: Friday, February 20th

I didn't really sleep. I'd call it more of a nap. My phone rang right on time at about 5:30am. It was Clint and his flight had just landed. I slipped my shoes on, got into Brooke's car, and headed back to the airport. Thankfully, it wasn't nearly as crowded.

When we got back to the house, I was already wide awake. So we just sat around talking and catching up. Not long after, Suzanne came down the stairs and the three of us just hung out for a while. We went and ate breakfast at some hippie joint down the road.

We sat around the house for a while waiting for the rest of the guys to roll into town. Bru and Eric showed up at the house around 1 or 2pm. We all went to grab some lunch before heading off the the hotel to check in.

When we got to the hotel, we were very pleased. Clint had done a good job of picking it out. The location was good and the rooms were really nice. We all just laid around for a while trying to sneak in a nap. Then it was off to the airport to pick up Jason.

When we all finally rounded up, we hit the streets in search of food and drink. I stopped at an ATM machine first only to discover that my debit card was missing! After searching my pockets to no avail, I gave it a little more thought. I called the restaurant where we had lunch and sure enough, I left it there. Whew!

After an overly filling dinner, we headed to a place called Life Of Riley. It was a great little bar with a basement area, filled with tables, pool tables, shuffleboard, and Golden Tee. We pretty much drank and played Golden Tee the entire night. Bru and Clint wussed out after a while and went back to the hotel because they both had "tummy aches." They both earned nicknames as a result, which I won't mention due to an over sense of vulgarity. Anyway, Jason, Eric, and I stuck around until closing just drinking and playing more Golden Tee. Every place in Portland also has these video slot machines which are run by the state lottery. I put a dollar in and selected the penny slot game and wouldn't you know it, my dollar turned into 18 dollars. I printed out the ticket voucher and it was as good as cash at the bar, so we had one last round before heading out.

We walked back to the hotel and pretty much found it by chance. Bru and Clint were already in bed, so us three drunken fools just had to wake them up. I hopped into Bru's bed and tried to kick him off, but he grabbed me by the ankles and yanked me right off the bed. I fell about two feet straight to the ground and landed square on my tailbone. Ouch.

I went downstairs for one last smoke, and for some reason I just started walking. By the time I was done, I realized that I had no idea where I was. So I started walking some more trying to retrace my steps, but I just got more lost. I eventually made it back though.

As I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, I was taking my contacts out and one of them fell right down the drain. That sucked. I had already lost a pair at the girls' house and was using a spare set that I had brought with me. Now I was down to wearing my twelve-year-old pair of glasses.

Now, the bathroom was situated right by the door to the room, and for some reason I walked out of the bathroom and just decided to go to sleep right there on the floor.

Day 5: Saturday, February 21st

We woke up the next morning, got our showers, and headed out for some breakfast. Afterwards, we all hopped in the soccer mom mobile and headed up to Mt. Hood. I won't deny the beauty of the mountains, the trees, and all the snow, but I'm not really into snowboarding or skiing. Maybe some day, though.

So the rest of the guys did their thing. I wandered around the lodge trying to find a bar. I eventually did, so I sat down, ordered up some drinks, and put my headphones on. After about an hour or so, I was feeling pretty tired and intoxicated. So I went back to the van and took a nap. It was bright as day when I fell asleep, then Clint comes knocking and rocking the van back and forth (which scared the crap out of me) and when I finally came to, it was pitch black dark outside. I looked at the clock and I'd been asleep for at least two hours.

We made our way back to the city around 8pm and got back to the hotel shortly before 10pm. By this time, I was ready to hit the streets again. We decided to head to the other side of town to see what was up over there. We came across a few bars---one Irish pub that was packed and charged a cover that none of us wanted to pay, another place that was so packed that they shut the doors and wouldn't let anyone else in, and another bar that was charging a cover for a band that I can only imagine was pretty lousy. We eventually found a place on the corner that was relatively small, not too crowded, free, and not so noisy. My kinda place. We started out with a couple pitchers of microbrews. I'm not a fan of microbrews really. They all taste the same to me---bitter and hoppy. So we traded those in for a few pitchers of PBR. Brooke and Suzanne met up with us a little later. Not too long after, though, they announced last call, but it was only 1am. So we went back next door. By then, the band had finished playing and admission was free.

Ok, so this night went by like a blur. I don't really remember too much in particular. I remember it being fun and I remember drinking a lot. That's about it. Luckily, the girls had cameras, so the night was at least visually captured. (click here for pictures)

Since both Brooke and Suzanne were both wasted, they spent the night at our hotel. The walk back seemed like it took forever. There were so many people out on the streets after closing that it was hard not to just stop and randomly talk to someone. We hung out in the room for a while, passing out one by one. I started rough housing with Bru again and eventually ended up on my back. No big deal. Then he gave me his hand to help me up, I took it, and he pulled so hard that I literally went flying across the room. When I landed, I rolled my left ankle so bad that I could have sworn that I heard it break, or at least tear. Not fun. It instantly began to swell and walking around was even more laboring. I hobbled downstairs with Brooke for one last smoke. Then we went back up and went to bed. After about ten minutes, I heard her fall out of bed, stumble to the bathroom, and then puke. That was about the last thing I remember.

Day 6: Sunday, February 22nd

Pretty much everyone woke up the next morning with a massive hangover. It was time to grab some breakfast, but my ankle had gotten so stiff overnight that I wasn't going anywhere. So I stayed behind. I managed to get myself across the street to at least get some coffee, but I laid in bed for the most part.

After detoxing for a good part of the afternoon, it was time for me to head to the airport and fly back east. On the way, we made a quick stop at the girls' house. My contacts had been found. So I picked them up, said goodbye to Brooke and Lori, and my time in Portland was done.

The trip back was horrific, filled with delays and long walks across airport terminals. But amazingly, I somehow made it back to Virginia on time.

new recordings

walk out into the night in my sleep, it’s 4am
tell me i could never be the one
silence speaks to me slowly, smoking through the tears
while i’m turning myself out, choking on the years
so hold on, we’ll figure things out,
talk it over and somehow make it through with no doubt
that we’ll drive into the ground

every time i think about you is just another twist of the dagger in my heart
lost in a million years time
guarded by the spaces of your mind
holding onto nothing but stars
scared by the silence of your heart… so quiet
so gone, you’re so gone now
  • Current Mood
    lazy lazy



To the Tampa Bay Rays and their fairweather fans...


And to Joe Buck, Tim McGarver, all of FOX, ESPN, Fernando Vina, the Baseball Tonight crew, XM Radio and their shitty talk show hosts, and basically everyone outside the city of Philadelphia...


i CAN'T BELIEVE that no one thought this team could win it all--even after a close, but phenomenal game 1 win behind ace cole hamels, a loss in game 2 that was hardly overpowering by the rays, a spectacular and hard-fought victory in game 3, and a total shellacking in game 4. even up until the very moments before resuming game 5, all you idiots were saying that the rays had the momentum and would win in 7. you guys should really take your jobs more seriously as baseball analysts and stop saying what you think will get you ratings. you mistakingly underrated this team, and completely overrated the effectiveness of that rays bullpen. praise david price all you want, but he's got a long way to go before he proves that he's got the right stuff. and god bless the rays for thinking they had the momentum and looking forward to games 6 and 7, all before game 5 was even over!!! anyway, thanks for counting the PHILLIES out of it all post-season long. i look forward to you counting them out of it next season, too.

it's so easy to be bad.

i went grocery shopping yesterday for the first time in a month. when my parents were here last month, they were concerned about the lack of everything in my refrigerator, freezer, and cabinets. so they took me to the commissary at langley, gave me a shopping cart, and told me to fill it up. naturally, i threw just about every piece of junk food in that place into the cart--not a single vegetable, not a single piece of fruit, nothing with any nutritional value.

well, lately, my energy level has taken a fall. i'm knowledgable enough to know how diets can influence your day-to-day life, but i've just been too lazy to do anything about it... until now. i'm sick of always being tired, feeling sick, doctors telling me i'm overweight, feeling overweight, etc. i've had plenty of success with diets before. it's just a matter of getting into it and clearing that first hurdle.

when i was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, i went on a strict diet of 1800 calories a day. surprisingly, it was pretty easy. that lasted nearly 6 months and i lost almost 20 pounds. but i let up just a little bit, then totally crashed shortly after. i tried that same diet a couple years ago, only to fail miserably. more recently, i've tried the atkins diet with a huge amount of success. but again, once i dropped some weight, i fell off the wagon.

i was going to try the atkins diet again, but after a bit of research, i discovered that a high protein/low carb diet can ultimately lead to kidney problems. there are a lot of conflicting ideas on the atkins diet, but i'm not gonna chance it. diabetics have enough to worry about with kidney problems already.

diabetes.org has a nutrition section with lots of recipes and ideas, and i also have a few books to add variety to my menu choices. also, something i never realized was that the diabetes food pyramid calls for 6 to 11 servings of grains/starches. this was surprising to me since these contain the most carbs. have a look...

mind you, one serving isn't much at all, but it's still surprising. in comparison, the atkins diet would have those types of things at the top of the pyramid.

i've definitely decided to stick to a plan more suited to a diabetic, but i'm not going to be calorie counting as much. i mean, i won't be eating 5,000 calories a day, but i'm gonna use my discretion at first and see how that goes.

so, what's my diet going to consist of? well, here's what i'm gonna try for the next week or two...

1/2 english muffin with margarine
coffee with splenda

morning snack:
glucerna shake/bar

sandwich on whole wheat bread, OR salad, OR dinner leftovers

afternoon snack:
glucerna shake/bar OR cheese

meat entree

no-sugar added ice cream, OR bran cereal with splenda

evening snack:
glucerna shake/bar

that might look like a lot of food, but as everyone knows, the key is to eat a larger number of small portion meals, as opposed to eating a fewer number of large portion meals. that'll help the metabolism get going.

the next thing i need to do is make sure i get enough sleep. sitting here typing this at 1:56am isn't a good start, but it's gonna have to happen sooner or later. anywhere from 6 to 8 hours a night should be good enough for me.

lastly, i'm gonna have to come up with some kind of exercise regimen. i used to play tennis rather frequently, but the fall league has already started and i lost everyone's phone number that i used to play with. there's a pretty nice gym here at my apartment complex. i used to go there in the morning before work for half an hour, then in the evening for another half hour. i may start doing that. but while the weather is still nice, i may just do some running, or even walk the dog.

so we'll see what happens. my goal is to lose about 20-25 pounds. i don't wanna lose too much weight because then my head will look disproportionately huge.

oh, and if any of you have any suggestions or think i'm doing anything wrong, please feel free to chime in.

my dog.

dogs are incredible animals. so loyal and loving. i just got back from a weeklong journey to new jersey and texas. on my way home from the airport on friday, i headed straight to the vet to pick up sable. when they brought her out, she just about tackled me, knocking off my hat and my sunglasses. i have to say that she really is the best dog. she loves to sit out on the porch with me. she lays next to the couch when i'm watching tv. she sleeps next to the bed when i'm sleeping. she follows me everywhere around the apartment. if i'm in the bathroom, she waits patiently outside the door until i come out. when i get home from work, she's waiting at the front door to jump me. i picked her up from the spca about a year ago, and i hope to have her with me for many more.


This New Ocean LP

the new album titled This New Ocean is now available as a FREE DOWNLOAD. after nearly a decade of writing and three years of recording, it's finally done. be sure to download it and tell all your friends.

check out elocine.net for download links and details.

new drums.

well, it's been a long time coming. but i finally took the plunge and ordered a new drum kit. i've had my eye on a sweet gretsch shell pack for a while, but i eventually went with the pearl vision vsx. i'm just a fan of pearl altogether, plus the value you get for your money with this kit is unbeatable.

the birch shells are a HUGE improvement over my old export kit, and the included sensitone snare is fantastic. throw in a great hardware package and you've got a near professional sounding (and looking) kit for under $1000. i also got a new A Custom Ping Ride to go along with the rest of my A Custom cymbals. the brighter tones of the birch shells really complement the cymbals very well.

  • Current Mood
    tired tired

pulling out the stops.

first of all, when i said that the day after tomorrow was the worst movie ever made, i actually meant to say armageddon. that movie was on all weekend and i had thought about making a game out of it by drinking every time something outlandishly unrealistic took place, but i really didn't feel like going to the hospital to get my stomach pumped.

james and mikey were in the area on friday. i met up with them at hooters in norfolk. i somehow managed to get pretty damned lost trying to find the place, but thanks to GPS, i finally made it there. it was kinda cool because i felt like i was in south jersey for a few hours, but i wasn't nearly as impressed by the "service." afterwards, james came back to my place and crashed for the nite. he left early the next morning.

eric and tim over at amplifiedpodcast.com have been cool enough to feature our song golightly in their latest podcast episode (#17). i came across their podcast site at work one day, and it's really one of the best out there. i've listened to nearly every episode in their entirety and those guys truly have great taste in music. so head on over to their site and check 'em out.

the rest of the weekend was rather uneventful, so i decided to do a little recording yesterday. i ended up tracking another old song in my attempt to finish up a "best of" album of sorts. i originally put it on the experimenting with mercury EP, but i felt like i kinda rushed that version and never really got it to sound the way i wanted. so now i'm pretty satisfied with this one....


"wait" by elocine
-[ download ]-

carry yourself if they seem real--
dreams that throw you back for more.
but it's not worth crying for.

bury yourself with what you feel--
drowned in lies you can't ignore.
so say goodbye to all your tears before...

...you want so much more,
but you knew it's not worth waiting for.

so please... i'll be all you're wishing for.

still you give me more,
but to me, you're all worth waiting for.

-end transmission